Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This baby is an asshole
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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