i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
