im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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