Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
