You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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