Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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