So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
