i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
