i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
