Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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