id be glad to
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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