remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
