3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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