I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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