i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
