There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
