called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
