Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
