and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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