how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
