And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm passing your future prison.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
