i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
