So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
