quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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