The maid of honor just puked.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
