I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
