maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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