Swine flu is the new snow day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
