Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
