He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
