I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
