wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
