3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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