I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
