I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
