We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
