his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
