2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
