do herpes really smell.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
