so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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