nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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