The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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