HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
