I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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