i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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