My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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