Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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