Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
