it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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