I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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